Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Where did that piece go?

As you have noticed, life hasn't been the greatest lately. I hate to continue to write about, but in all honesty, it's what I think and feel most of the time--so that's what I write about. I try to just go without writing if I don't feel that I have anything "positive" to say, but I don't have to be positive all the time, right?

I've been searching for something that I think I lost....it's a piece of myself. When fiance and I broke up, a piece of me went with him. Now, sometimes I think that's okay, but other times, like now, I feel like I should have that piece back in order to be whole again. But are you ever whole again (in the same way you were before)? Do pieces come and go and eventually you will find someone who maybe has holes in places you don't and the puzzle just fits? Am I using too many analogies for anyone to understand?

Every morning I wake up and tell myself "you can do this." Most days....I accomplish that goal. However, there are some days when I go to bed thinking "what were you thinking?"

I can be self-sufficient. I have all the main things down...grocery shopping alone, paying bills, living alone. It's the emotional things that I now must deal with. I need to either realize that not all the pieces are going to be put back together or attempt to put them back.

I have a wonderful family who is more than supportive. I have parents who go above and beyond what parents should do. I have friends who would do anything for me, but sometimes all that doesn't matter. That isn't what's broken.

So I just want you to know that part of me is broken right now. I am still trying to figure out if that's okay or not.

So I continue looking at where the pieces went and whether I can put them back together. Has anyone seen my pieces?


Amy said...

You sound like you are talking for me. BTW-- I switched the blog URL cause I was a bit afraid with applying to jobs that it was the same as my email.

Anyways... I really feel like I know what you are going thru. Having no job, a boyfriend that lives in England (where it basically feels impossible a lot of the time to make it work), and just general anxieties, I have a hard time getting through a lot of the days but it gets a bit easier as time goes on. I think coming back from a month in England where I tried to not think about having been laid off and was with the bf every day, took away some of the reality of it all. I know you have a whole different situation but be proud of yourself for the things you are doing (like you said with living on your own) and hopefully you (we!) will slowly mend yourself (ourselves!).

Sorry for the super long comment!

Goofy Girl said...

Argh I typed a comment but because I needed to sign up with the google act it erased it.

Anyway, just wanted to say that I think it's ok that you're having a hard time - you've got to re-establish your identity and a lot of stuff about you that you probably never thought you would. It sounds like you're doing the best you can - and it's going to be hard no matter what. Always here for ya by email if you need!

Janet said...

I don't think you're broken, just bruised. He hasn't taken a piece of you, just bruised a part...and it will heal!

Hugs :-)

kailani said...

Just think of all the opportunities that are available to you now! He obviously wasn't the one you were meant to spend the rest of your life with. Now you can find the one who is. I know it's hard but one day you'll look back and be thankful that it didn't work out. Trust me.

Carmen said...

I know it hurts like hell. But you'll find all your pieces. It just takes a while. Keep on keepin' on.

You know what might help? Volunteer to help someone else. It alwasys gives you a better take on your own situation.